Geek Quotes

July 25th, 2008 (16:14)

Cele mai interesante/comice vorbe ce au iesit vreodata din gura unui tehnician IT

    * There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t
    * If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0
    * I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly
    * My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
    * Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you
    * In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
    * Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk
    * I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code
    * Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
    * The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX
    * A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
    * Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly
    * A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
    * The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong
    * UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity
    * Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
    * C://dos
      C://dos.run
      run.dos.run
    * You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead
    * JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!
    * 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
    * Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive
    * How do I set a laser printer to stun?
    * There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer
    * Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button
    * It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard
    * Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
    * The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are
    * Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers
    * The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers
    * If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won’t mar the furniture
    * COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key
    * Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning
    * LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses
    * The beginning of the programmer’s wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program
    * Squash one bug, you’ll see ten new bugs popping
    * Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs
    * boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts
    * We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
    * Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted
    * If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBO
    * Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner
    * Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut
    * Unrecognized input, get out of the class
    * Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !
    * WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER
    * Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
    * Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
    * Best file compression around: “rm *.*” = 100% compression
    * Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is “c:\> hack into fbi”
    * BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding
    * I survived an NT installation
    * The name is Baud……James Baud
    * My new car runs at 56Kbps
    * Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”
    * File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
    * Cannot read data, leech the next boy’s paper? (Y/N)
    * CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
    * Does fuzzy logic tickle?
    * Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that?
    * Windows: Just another pane in the glass
    * Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?
    * RAM disk is not an installation procedure
    * Shell to DOS…Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS…
    * The truth is out there…anybody got the URL?
    * Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..
    * E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage
    * Help! I’m modeming… and I can’t hang up!!!
    * All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
    * Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue
    * Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the ‘OK’ button to continue
    * Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
    * Press every key to continue
    * Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where’s that ‘any key’..
    * Idiot, Go ahead, make my data!
    * Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources
    * To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so
    * (001) Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing
    * Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS
    * (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
    * Computers can never replace human stupidity
    * A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)
    * (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
    * Bugs come in through open Windows
    * Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun
    * Unix is user friendly…its just selective about who its friends are
    * Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity
    * Bell Labs Unix — Reach out and grep someone.
    * To err is human…to really foul up requires the root password.
    * Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore )
    * FUBAR – where Geeks go for a drink
    * I degaussed my girlfriend and I’m just not attracted to her anymore
    * Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning
    * Black holes are where God divided by zero
    * Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
    * Thank god, my baby just compiled
    * Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output
    * Windows 98 supports real multitasking – it can boot and crash simultaneously
    * Zap! And there was the blue screen !
    * Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost 🙂
    * MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam
    * A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don’t use them
    * PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days
    * 1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist
    * 1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied
    * Error message: “Out of paper on drive D:”
    * If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I’d antialias my graphics!
    * A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
    * “Mr. Worf, scan that ship.” “Aye Captain. 300 dpi?”
    * Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface
    * Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam
    * Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall
    * Real programmers can write assembly code in any language
    * Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it
    * Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ?
    * Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink catridges Customer : Where can i download that?
    * All computers run at the same speed… with the power off
    * You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out
    * Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.
    * Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel
    * Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet
    * Shut up, or i’ll flush you out
    * Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour
    * We are experiencing system trouble — do not adjust your terminal
    * You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.
    * I’m sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you
    * Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway
    * Webhost livehelp: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that?
    * If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don’t understand the question
    * Having soundcards is nice… having embedded sound in web pages is not
    * My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half
    * You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old
    * Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours
    * I’m sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)
    * Ah, young webmaster… java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to realaudio. And realaudio leads to suffering
    * What color do you want that database?
    * C++ is a write-only language, once can write programs in C++, but I can’t read any of them
    * As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code
    * earth is 98% full … please delete anyone you can
    * A typical yahoo chat room: “A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out..”
    * When someone says “I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done,” give him a lollipop
    * Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue
    * Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product
    * NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands
    * Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives !
    * NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one
    * JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash
    * How’s my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL
    * Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls – my PC speaker crashed NT
    * root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is ‘a_49qwXk’
    * New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null
    * Quake and uptime do not like each other
    * Unix…best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038
    * As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria — Final Fantasy VIII
    * Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft…and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo
    * Unix is the only virus with a command line interface
    * Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system
    * How are we supposed to hack your system if it’s always down!
    * God is real, unless declared integer
    * I’m tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?
    * Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue
    * It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions
    * Please help – firewall burnt down – lost packet – reward $$$
    * If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery
    * Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle
    * Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption
    * Norton: Incoming virus – (D)ownload and save (R)un after download
    * I had a dream… and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!
    * You sir, are an unknown USB device driver
    * C isn’t that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void

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